One of the more rewarding things I have been privileged to do over the years, is to work with boating couples. Through the boating classes I teach and private lessons I provide through AASU and with the public courses provided by Coast Guard Auxiliary, I have met some wonderful husbands and wives who have worked as a team to learn the basics of boating. Some couples have even gone on to become professional captains. Perhaps in a future article I will write about team-building and how learning the principles of good boating can serve to strengthen a marriage, but in this article I am going to focus on the role of wives on the water.
Let’s face it – for most boating couples, it is the husband who is more avid, and the wives who are more tentative about the whole thing. Without stirring controversy, we have all noticed that many women tend to be more cautious regarding the obvious dangers of boating and less enamored with the mechanical operations of watercraft. Men tend to approach challenges differently than women and often fail to understand a woman’s hesitancy for something they want to enjoy so whole-heartedly. When the normal challenges of boating are encountered and the inevitable failures occur, these differences can be the source of frustration, accusation, acrimony, and recrimination… and eventually, bitterness. Rather than building a marriage, they can tear at its foundation.
For the guys who are wanting to drag their wives into a boat, let me first give you this word of advice, ”slow down”. There is nothing worse than rushing anyone who is undecided or tentative into doing something that involves risk or investment, until they are fully committed. Here’s a suggestion. First, get used to the whole thing by going out with friends in their boat. Then visit a boat show or walk the docks and nurture the dream for a while. When she ready, take a boating class together. When she sees that you are willing to invest the time to learn how to be safe on the water, her trust level (and respect for you) will go way up. Finally, be patient. Build her interest and enjoyment. Don’t use mistakes as an excuse to vent. Instead, use them as a learning opportunity.
In our Boating Skills and Seamanship class, you will learn about various types of boats and how to chose the best one for you. Make this a point of discussion as you visualize together the new life you will enjoy as boat owners and the many ways you will be able to enjoy the boat together. Buying an offshore fishing boat, when your wife doesn’t fish and is afraid of the ocean would not be a stellar move on your part. Build a dream you can both enjoy and put aside your boyhood fantasies. You are married now! Someday she may want to join you fishing offshore in your next boat, but if that is not the case, don’t try to force it… it won’t happen. Buy the boat you can both enjoy together.
Wives, let’s talk. I know your frustration. You don’t understand the whole “captain of his vessel” thing. You don’t like having orders barked at you, the thought of breaking down at sea or being “suddenly in command” is terrifying, and you could care less about whether the left side of the boat is called, “port” or “starboard”. But you do enjoy the feel of the wind in your face, the sun on your skin, and the elation of cutting through the water in a fast boat. So, what’s a girl to do?
One suggestion is to seek out other boating wives. They speak your language much better than we guys do. You will meet some great new friends who can ease you through the learning curve. And, lets face it, there is a learning curve. For your own peace of mind, you will want to take one or more boating classes and learn as much as you can. Granted, it may feel awkward at first, but you won’t be alone – we have lots of women taking our courses.
There are some other things you can do, when boating with your husband.
The Auxiliary has two course we teach to on request to groups, with an emphasis on women boaters. One is called, “Suddenly in Command”, the other is, “Back to Basics – The Better Half of Boating”. If you are interested in scheduling one of these courses for your group, contact Kent Shockey at (912) 897-7656 or (912) 398-5474 (cell).
Women, you don’t have to “take it from me”. Instead, talk to other women boaters. Some will tell you their horror stories, but those who hung in there and learned to do it the right way, will also tell you what a tremendous joy boating has added to their experience as a couple. If you will make the investment of time and effort, the rewards will be awesome. I’ll to see you in class.